When it comes to conversations about sex, many parents feel unsure about where to start, especially with younger children. Some might even question whether these discussions are necessary, assuming that schools will handle sex education or that their child will simply figure things out from their peers.
But what happens when these conversations don’t happen at home? And how can parents create a safe space for their children to ask important questions? To explore these topics, we sat down with Diana Wark, a Training Centre Facilitator at the Centre for Sexuality.
Diana is a seasoned social worker and sexual health educator with over two decades of experience. She has held many roles at the Centre, including relationship and sexual health education and parent engagement. She is passionate about empowering people of all ages with the right information to help them make the best decisions for their bodies and lives.
Sex, sexuality and relationships do not exist in a vacuum. While it’s important that young people learn the facts about bodies and sexual health, keeping communication open can have a positive impact for your child’s friendships, body image, media literacy, future romantic relationships and much more.
Read on as Diana shares insights on why these discussions are crucial and how parents can navigate them with confidence.
Q: Why is it important for parents to take the lead on conversations about sex and sexuality, even early on?
Diana: Whether parents want to be their child’s first sexual health educator or not, they already are. It’s part of the job description. And it really starts with how we interact and support our child’s body in being healthy from the time they’re born. Everything from diaper changes to bathing to when kids hurt themselves – it’s all an opportunity to help them understand and name all their body parts and know how to talk about them. Those initial steps are part of what makes us a stable parent, a safe person for a child to come to. Incorporating these conversations into our parenting is a way to set that foundation.
This way, our children are more likely to come to us when they have questions about their bodies, what they want to wear, what they want to play with or who their friends are. How do they ask permission for a kiss or a hug? What if someone wants to kiss or hug them and they don’t want that? How do we build that early understanding of consent?
Q: Some parents might say, “No one talked to me about sex, and I turned out fine.” What would you say to that?
Diana: First of all, these conversations aren’t just about sex. They are about safety, autonomy and healthy relationships across a lifetime.
But it’s a valid question. Many of us grew up in households where the topic of sex was ignored or reduced to a simple “don’t do it.” But times have changed. We can’t assume schools will cover everything, especially with recent uncertainties around sex education policies. More importantly, schools don’t teach personal values. That comes from family. We want our kids to be able to understand how to take the facts about sexual health and relationships, think critically and apply them in a way that fits with their values, beliefs and goals for the future.
If parents don’t engage in these conversations, children will turn elsewhere, potentially to sources that don’t align with family values or that provide misinformation. Or they may go to individuals who could exploit their lack of knowledge. Parents don’t have to be experts, but they should at least help their children identify trusted sources.
Diana cleaning “Woodies” that we use to demonstrate condom use in sexual health education
Q: There is research that shows being open and honest with children about bodies and sexuality can help prevent child sexual abuse. Can you talk more about that?
Diana: Research is clear: Most child sexual abuse cases involve someone the child knows. Those are harder situations for parents to think about because nobody wants to believe that someone they trust could hurt their child. Unfortunately, that is the reality. While “stranger danger” can be a helpful lesson, it’s actually more crucial to teach children to recognize inappropriate behavior from people they trust.
Perpetrators often look for children who don’t know about boundaries, don’t use the correct names for their body parts or who have been taught that certain topics are secret or shameful. When kids learn proper terminology and understand bodily autonomy, they are less likely to be targeted and more likely to tell someone if something feels wrong. Educating children about boundaries and their ability to say “no” is one of the strongest forms of protection we can provide.
Q: Do you ever hear objections to that?
Diana: Parents sometimes think that naming body parts properly takes away a child’s innocence. I hear that a lot. “Can’t we just let children be children?” I understand where that’s coming from and I don’t like to use fear as a motivator for parents. But what really takes away a child’s innocence is being abused or assaulted. The slang, the euphemisms, the goofy language that we use around body parts for little children – even calling them “private parts” – separates parts of the body away from the whole person. They should know how their bodies work, what things are called and that actually, their whole body is private!
Be honest about what you don’t know. If your child asks a question you can’t answer, it’s okay to say, “That’s a great question! Let’s find the answer together.” There are fantastic resources available, including organizations like ours, to help guide these conversations.
Q: For parents who are motivated to do this don’t know where to start, what are your tips?
Diana: First, start by identifying your own values around sexuality and relationships. What messages do you want to pass on? What lessons do you wish you had learned earlier? Once you have clarity, it’s easier to communicate with your children. Again, these are great lessons with applications far beyond romantic or sexual relationships. What is a healthy relationship? Or a healthy friendship? How do we deal with conflict? How do we communicate our wants and needs? What are our boundaries? All of these concepts can be practiced and discussed long before our children are even curious about sexuality.
Second, normalize these conversations from a young age. Talk about body parts in everyday language. Encourage discussions about friendships and relationships. Model consent and respect in daily interactions. Have conversations about what’s on TV or other things you see in media around you.
Third, be honest about what you don’t know. If your child asks a question you can’t answer, it’s okay to say, “That’s a great question! Let’s find the answer together.” There are fantastic resources available, including organizations like ours, to help guide these conversations.
Q: Any final thoughts for parents who feel hesitant about these discussions?
Diana: The biggest mistake is not having the conversation at all. Parents fear they might say the wrong thing, but avoiding the topic altogether guarantees failure. Start small, keep the dialogue open and remember that it’s an ongoing conversation setting them up for a lifetime of well-being, not a one-time talk. Your willingness to engage shows your child that they can trust you, and that’s the most important lesson of all.
Services for Parents
The Centre for Sexuality offers a variety of services and resources for parents, including our “Can We Talk?” series and one-on-one parent education sessions. Learn more here.